Dating as a lesbian can be a full-blown hot mess of uncertainty, making it even more challenging. Does getting a coffee mean you’re being asked out, or is it just an innocent quest for a dose of caffeine? Is she interested in you as a romantic partner or just a good friend? Is she mocking LGBTQ culture, passing a genuine compliment, or actually flirting?
Being attracted to women is confusing in its own realm, and navigating these waters can be tricky. And if you happen to a trans lesbian, you just took a turn into a winding road with many twists.
Here are some challenges that trans women who like women know all too well:
You never thought you’d be blushing in a bookstore
A bookstore is usually a terrific location to meet new people, but a feminist bookshop is the best of the best. When you encounter a cute girl at a bookstore as a book nerd yourself, the pickup lines come naturally. Even if you don’t speak, just seeing a girl reading a book that piques your interest can make your ears turn red.
Bonding over lesbian poetry often takes a dangerous turn
Whenever you do speak, it’s usually a delightful exchange during which you receive useful advice on books to read. But every now and again, someone will bring up Adrienne Rich as a favorite poet, and sparks will fly. You find yourself “diving into the wreck” and making dramatic promises of “blood, bread, and poetry.”
The way you dress is always questioned
There’s no winning when trans lesbians try to wear what they want. There’s always that one cis person who jumps at the chance to object to your gender expression. If you’re wearing an overly femme look, you get accused of stereotyping and fetishizing femininity.
However, if you’re dressed excessively butch, you’re no longer considered a lady. Sometimes, all you want to wear is a comfy t-shirt and your worn-in pair of jeans. You don’t want to put yourself through the hassle of applying makeup simply because someone expects you to. But for those of us who don’t have naturally feminine looks, a lack of makeup only invites obtrusive questions and attacks on our womanhood.
The moment of “truth”
In most cases, being transparent with a female partner is less risky than if you were talking to a man. The disclosure discussion, on the other hand, is never easy and always takes many deep breaths to get through. Even if you choose to keep your gender identity hidden from your dates, it will inevitably come up, and the anxiety surrounding that moment can’t be understated.
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